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Today, I am buried under a huge heap of "NEED TO DO NOWS" real life stuff that has me gasping for air! BUT, my blue bird of happiness is my creative life that is slowly being resuscitated (I had to Google that spelling).

Spring break is next week (HOORAY!!!) and one of the things I'm looking forward to doing is cleaning my wee art space--just a desk really--and sitting in that darn chair that only has second chance clothes piled up on it right now. It's such a small act of courage and hope that it's almost not worth mentioning, but it is. Because it's these tiny, microscopic steps that will lead me back toward a fuller creative life--of this I am certain.

What teensy steps are you taking today towards a more fulfilling life? Do tell! I'm right there with ya!

  • Writer's pictureJan Avellana

Has it really been almost a year since I blogged here? I'm still here! This spot on the internet is one little space I've left open for my creative self to exist, to come and visit from time to time. It's not much, but it's also everything on some days, you know?

Lately, there have been late night stirrings, a call to come back to my art practice in some form. So I've been writing some, and sketching some, but not sharing much with the world yet. And I've begun to dream bits of new arty dreams.

I have to push aside the feelings and trolls that tell me it's too little, too late, and instead lean into the kinder voices asking, "What would be fun?!" and "What would you like to do?!"

So I'm letting myself explore and play and dream again. And art or words (or maybe both!) will be born, I'm sure of it, in due time. But for now, I'm gestating and feeling mighty peaceful about it all for a change! Stay tuned for all of the goodness yet to come--my best work is still ahead of me!

  • Writer's pictureJan Avellana

“Courage is getting clobbered by the deeps— then waking up, getting dressed, and doing it all over again.”

The school year is going well, a nicer class I haven’t had in a long time! But my battle with depression has been off and on this year, and lately has me beat. I haven’t written or arted in eons, and maybe that has something to do with it—I’m too brain dead to analyze, but whatever the case, depression is on a winning streak and some days I am just exhausted, defeated. But then I realized I’m doing my best. I get up everyday to potentially face it all again, every damn day. Go me. And go YOU too if you’re in the same battle as I am. Some days are just hard and you do what you can. But gold stars and confetti for getting dressed this morning and rising to face the day, come what may. We are warriors, even though we may feel like worms. Truth.

1Laura Tulics Hall

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