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  • Writer's pictureJan Avellana

When We are Stingy with Ourselves


My dog radar is the most, bestest boi, loving and affectionate and so very generous with his wet doggy kisses, I can’t even! He will stick his paw directly on my chin, to turn my face just so and proceed to lick and groom me forever on end. He slathers me and he goes wwwaaaaaayyyyyyyy overboard, some would say, in his adoration and sheer love.


This week, as I was talking with my husband about starting up an art practice again, he strongly encouraged me. One thing lead to another and I ended up getting a new iPad so that I could try procreate and Photoshop that is now set up for iPads.


The absolute guilt I felt at the generosity of this gift—for no reason, other than to support my artist self—was enormous. I asked and was assured that full returns were doable, and so I saved my receipt and all of my packaging, just in case I couldn’t justify this purchase. I was stingy with myself even after I had made my purchase.


When I came home, Radar started grooming me. I mean, his was practically licking the skin off my face. By the end of my grooming session, I was overcome with laughter at his tenacious kisses and most of all, by his generosity—there is no holding back! And then “BOOM!”


It hit me! When am I this generous with my artist self (or whole self for that matter) E-V-E-R?! Almost never. And that’s when I decided to keep my new iPad. There is a steep re-learning and learning curve, and I am enjoying every minute of it, discovering again that to love ourselves generously is a good thing indeed. Woof!

1 Comment


artist.crystalneubauer
Mar 15, 2023

Radar is a teacher on the art of living at heart. Your words and work are so beautiful and freeing!

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