Oh the Dreams I Dream!

Oh, I had a wicked bout with insomnia last night and today I'm dragging. BUT, I was so excited about waking up this morning to spend time in the studio! I couldn't wait to write on the blog and connect with you here, so hello!

I am inching my way along in my writing course--loves, it's going to take a long while, so hunker down :). I am learning lots and brainstorming lots and being impatient at all the things, ha.

But one thing I am actively doing is looking for the right writer's/artist's community to belong to, or maybe, build. I don't have a group yet, but just thinking about forming a real-live creative community gives me so much joy, joy I haven't felt in a long time! I wish I could gather you all up so that we could all be odd ducks together, and maybe one day we will find a way to do just that. Bur for now, my heart is yearning to start here, where I am. Still, I'm so glad we have our connection through the interwebs. I've met so many friends here, some that have grown very dear to me and that I've gotten to meet in real life and for this I'm so, so grateful.

One of my wildest dreams is to go on a couch-surfing trip. I'd boldly ask who would welcome me for a visit, and I'd go and stay with you all for a few days to meet, make art, write and connect. Wouldn't THAT be a blast?! Oh the dreams I dream!

Soon

Soon, I will be in my happy place, enjoying Tokyo's rainy season and summer. I'll enjoy the company of my boys, now becoming young men, eating ramen late at night and go on 7-11 runs in our pajamas to get snacks.

In Japan, I'll watch fireflies flit about on a summer's night and eat yakitori and dango on skewers and wash it all down with iced lemon tea. I will use all of the summer products Japan offers to keep you cool during their hot, humid summers--cooling hair spray, menthol bath gels and face wipes.

I'll take long, solitary days to wander through Tokyo on my own, getting lost along the way. I will journal in the early mornings to complete my morning pages. And this time, I will take myself on artist dates. I will scour the city for yummy art supplies and washi paper and just the right pens and paints and inks. And maybe I'll meet up with some unexpected friends to explore the city with, finding just the right bookstores and cafes to while away the day.

I'll take long train and bus rides across the verdant countryside, enjoying the greenery and the wiry towers that dot the rice fielded landscapes. I'll eat crustless, petite sandwiches filled with egg salad and I'll gobble down the silkiest puddings, as we go whizzing by.

I'll take long, hot soaks in onsen water while listening to the sounds of the river below. I'll let myself get pruny. I'll stuff myself with sashimi and cremia and jiggly cheesecakes. I'll take in Lake Ashinoko and all of her beauty, this summer when I go to Japan.

God willing, soon.

Encouragement for Those That Think it's too Late: It's Not!

I'll be turning 53 this year (gasp!), but I still feel like just a girl. I wonder if I'll ever feel like the adult I'm supposed to be? I'm guessing that if it hasn't hit me by now, it never will, haha, and I think that may be a good thing!

This is a quick sketch I did using my new iPad and Procreate. I'm still learning as you can see :). I drew it last night during the time I am usually either doing some light housework or watching movies. My priorities have shifted as of late and I'm using most of my down time to write, collage and draw. It's been refreshing and life giving to say the least.

One thing that I'd like to share today is this: as long as you're still alive, it is never too little too late to start over. The trolls were telling me all kinds of nasty things about rejoining a community of artists--that I wasn't really an artist or at least not the right kind, that I was too old to begin again, that it was too late, that I had nothing to offer and on and on. For a long time I believed these messages and it kept me from creative recovery. But slowly, by listening to other voices, voices of encouragement and hope, I was able to drown out those damn trolls and start taking steps forward towards my creativity. It's been a good month of taking baby steps forward, of letting myself dream new dreams, of reconnecting with a creative community, which has been the hardest part, filled with lots of messages of shame as in--what will people think of you, you're washed up, no one will remember you, etc. Damn trolls.

Anyhoo, if you have them living in your head too, off with them! I'm here to be one of those encouraging voices to tell you that the world needs your creativity, your words, your aliveness and yes, you. I'm here to tell you that it is NOT too little too late, but just right at just the right time for you to give yourself to us. I'm here to say that you don't have to be a Picasso or anyone else--you can just be you, and it is you that someone in the world needs to hear and see. So just show up. Just as you are, ready or not. Because the only way through to the other side where your dreams await, is forward and baby steps are the way to go! Celebrate each little step forward--I'm rooting for you!!! Hugs. <3